Maintaining a blog is a difficult job. Creating one is very easy.
Its almost like relationships. Breaking up and creating new ones is so damn easy. But try maintaining one, and its even tougher than reading PG Wodehouse without brains.
I remind myself of this thing every time i decide to create a fresh blog on a fresh website. And every time i also promise myself, " i will maintain this blog as best as i can no matter what." But as they say, teens aren't really the persons who can be trusted with a promise. So of course the promise inevitably terminates, but the passion of writing creeps up again sometime later, and so, yet another blog, yet another website, yet another start, yet another promise, and the cycle will continue till oblivion.
Its really difficult to write about something when you really don't know anything. The sole reason i found a deep attraction to writing stuff is mainly because that can keep one occupied for long hours, more importantly, it allows oneself a scope to try out a variety of handwritings. But, as many of you would believe, technology is a bane to mankind. In came the keyboard fashion, out went the paper-ink methods, conclusion, writing got substituted by typing.
But i am not complaining, hello hello, i am as lazy as a person can get, and if i can keep up my interests without moving my wrists while pressing buttons with my keys, voila!! i am content.
OKAY NOW I AM PRETTY SURE I AM NOT MAKING ANY SENSE. SO LETS GET BACK TO WHAT I DO BEST. WRITING RANDOM STUFF WHEN BORED.
1) Muttiah Muralidaran-- that guy got a very sad farewell. It was indeed very very sad. I really felt sorry for him. i had moist eyes and a wet underwear. The fact that Pragyan Ojha was his 800th scalp clearly puts a black spot on his entire cricketing career. Its like a hunter swatting a fly on his last expedition. Cricketing experts refer to him as a wily off spinner. I chose to stick with "an impotent devil". If any of you guys did see the live feed on Tensports, Tony Grieg interviewed his wife where she remarked that she wanted Murali to continue playing cricket.
Now i am a teen, and i know whats cooking, she is having an affair and hence wants Murali to stay away from home as long as possible.
But Murali's had enough. Its time for him to stop playing child games with friends. He is ready to go back to his wife.
2) I turned 18--This is even more funny. More than 12 hours of my 18th birthday was spent in a train staring at random ladies dressed in hideous 'burqa's'. My girlfriend found it more important to question me about Electronics books rather than wishing me a happy birthday. A wonderful friend did teach me how to ride a bike. I really got depressed when all the cake was wasted in decorating faces when it was really meant for my stomach. Met a teacher who guessed my name wrongly eleven times before finally recollecting it after i had spelt out 5 letters of my name for her.
Only plus point, I got a sense of accomplishment that i could do anything without having a guilty conscience ever.
3) Trip to a Pepe Jeans store----Welcome sir, we are now offering up to 70 percent discount. Me---"wonderful progress, tell me when it reaches hundred."..."Sir, what size are you"..."seven inches"...."no sir i meant the waist size"..."oh that !!...that i have no idea about."....as if on cue, that guy automatically gets cosy with me with a measuring tape, kneels down in front of me, my zip poking his nose, and slides his fingers across my belt buckle, looks up at me with a naughty smile, "sir i got it"..."how was it "..."i think 32 sir"..."Oh!!..i was thinking 69"..."no sir, 32 would suit just as fine."......"okay show me what you got."......"sir look at these, its torn around the thighs, so that gives you a very bold look."..."really you think baring my thighs makes me bolder ?"...."yes sir i think that sir."...."then i think i will stick to shorts"...."would you like to try these".... " please specify whats the price."...."Sir its MRP is 10000, but after discount you get it for 3000."....."so u are selling torn pants for 3000?"..."yes sir, that makes you look bold."......."well my times up, I think my girlfriend has already got her makeup kit from the Lakme store, so i better hurry"......"Should i pack these for you sir."...."no thats alright, i am a coward anyways. And just a piece of advice...hire a girl from somewhere to take the measurements."....
4) Building a solar lamp------went to a shop. bought a solar lamp for 700 Rs. had it in two pieces later that day. went to the repairing shop, and got it repaired for 1000 Rs. felt proud at having built it.
5) I am pretty pissed------piss piss piss
6) Writers always are on a lookout for motivation. I lost mine 4 years ago when i decided that i should write.
7) Next article will be on gay marriages
8) Who the hell cares anyways ?
9) Okay so i found a girl on Skout who winked at me.
10) That means i gotta end this and get busy with her.
peace
Dr.DrunkDOnkey delivered his lousiest article.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
My first breath of USA
Before i proceed any further, let me accept that this post is very detrimental in terms of standard and quality. FIFA world cup 2010 makes it impossible to think of anything apart from it.
Okay now, my first breath in the land of USA was basically inside the flight cabin, which went all the way from Ahmedabad to Newark via Frankfurt. So technically, it was the same air which was in India, while i boarded the flight. (Mixed with numerous farts from fellow passengers, NOTE: "fellow") which implies that the first breath wasn't really a pleasant one.
Okay now, my first breath in the land of USA was basically inside the flight cabin, which went all the way from Ahmedabad to Newark via Frankfurt. So technically, it was the same air which was in India, while i boarded the flight. (Mixed with numerous farts from fellow passengers, NOTE: "fellow") which implies that the first breath wasn't really a pleasant one.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
men are from mars and women are from venus.......
(EVERYTHING HAS BEEN WRITTEN WITH A VERY SERIOUS INTENT)
So...as someone great said...men are from Mars and women are from Venus....now being an idiot, it makes me think, which life form the earthly people then ? People who harass others in local trains, or who get confused on which toilet to enter, come straight to my mind. Yes, its true, only the neutral gender belong to earth. Simple conclusion from this statement, the person who made such a foolish quotation was a darn son-of-a-gun.
Now, i being none less than him, make a similar statement, "Men are from jungles and women are from zoos." While one is an expert in beating around the bush (women), the other is equally skilled at licking around the bush(men).
To be very frank, this is probably the boldest statement i have ever made in my life. Well, of course, three or four girls who have pure hatred for me would disagree to this claim, but i still feel that this statement is one of the top five boldest statements ever made.
Boys, who usually call themselves guys, and refer to each other as "dudes" or "buddies" or other such gay-ish terms have an indefinite storage of attraction and testosterone for women. Women on the other hand, make it absolutely certain, that the lesser gender never gets to attain what they dream off. This calls for a complex problem that has a simple solution, "girls, take it easy, we are guys, have sympathy."
Just a couple of nights ago, me and my current girlfriend were discussing on how bright the moon was and how pure our love was. Actually by discussing, i mean, she was talking while i had slept after jacking off. The next morning, i realized what a funny business, this love thing is. I mean, its not a business for most of us, but the way we proceed about it feels funny. Why do we have to bring, moonlight, sunrays, roses, scents, candles, teddy bears, honey, honeybee, beehives and all such supposedly romantic things into our love. Why cant love be the way it is and let sun and moon rest in peace ?
Of course I wont ask this thing to my current girlfriend, 'coz as of now i am not prepared for another, "You are insincere." and "You don't understand me" kind of sentences. Maybe in a couple of days i will be prepared for a fresh dose. Then i might ask it. But the ultimate result will be the same as predicted.
I am a guy and i have simple needs. By simple needs, i am referring to, a girlfriend who keeps the mush out, a PlayStation, a free net connection, an unlimited array of food elements, and a book holding the answer key to all exams i would appearing in future. That's all a guy needs. That's all i need. But as they say, I am expecting too much from the world.
When my ever-darling fourth girlfriend asked me, 'how to keep a guy happy ?' I answered her in very appropriate and simple terms.
1) strip off once in a while. After the first few times i don't like what i see, but its just the intention that matters to me.
2) never question my sincerity. I am going to be sincere as long as you allow me to. The moment you start becoming a pain in the ass, i wont be sincere. And till you don't become anything like that, i will try my best to be a pain in your ass rather.
3) please keep the mush out of the window. There are a particular group of people who like all the mush to come and affect them. Most of them turn gay later. I have crossed that phase. I have successfully converted myself to straight from being gay with much difficulty. I don't want to take the chance again.
4) if i ever make a mistake, forgive me instantly. Yes, i can say you sorry, and i can feel really apologetic. But don't expect me to kiss your ass every time i do something stupid. I am a guy, and that gives me a right to be stupid. But if you want me to chase you home with all kinds of croaky words in a broken tone, referring to how sorry i am, then sorry ma'am, even i have petrol prices to think of.
5) i might be a dickhead, but sometimes you should treat me like "The guy". I accept that's hard and that it would be lying. But then again how many times have i lied on "how much i love you" for your sake.
6) if i am talking to another girl, don't freak out. Its just my way of keeping myself insured. I know that I am not that interesting to keep you interested in me much longer. You might dump me any moment. So, this other girl is just for future precaution. Its not a present flame.
7) sentences like, "say something" , "tell me about yourself" etc. should be banned. Apart from increasing the blood pressure and instigating the killer instincts in me, they do nothing else.
These are secret seven steps on how you can keep a guy happy. Well at least, these are what i said to her. No wonder she thanked me with a big,"Get lost" and numerous other abuses. And of course, i had to kiss her ass with numerous sorry's and 'forgive me' sentences, to which she dutifully replied, "I want to know the real you. But you are going away from me. "
The thing is, there are two kinds of guys. While in in the last blog they were dumb and dumber, in this article they are, the maniacs, and the thoughtless. While the earlier version are ready to cut down everything, starting from the lovely veins on the wrists to the pantyhose of their partner, the second segment of guys, are more armed in insensitivity, they will be fine till all is fine, they will still be fine if nothing is fine. In short they are the dickheads of a more steelier variety.
With due respect to all guys, i confess that we are usually not able to satisfy a girls emotional desires. And with fake orgasms and all, we might not be good even physically, but the thing is that we are guys. We are the action heroes not the strategy makers. Don't expect us to know everything without telling it. Don't expect us to do everything even if you tell it directly. In short don't expect anything at all.
Girls should think of guys as lousy good for nothing penile drivers, and if somehow magically a guy manages something better, you will feel elated.
That is the secret to a true relationship.
I am going to make this clear to my next girlfriend right from the beginning so that she has no doubts about my manliness.
Till then take care
Peace.
So...as someone great said...men are from Mars and women are from Venus....now being an idiot, it makes me think, which life form the earthly people then ? People who harass others in local trains, or who get confused on which toilet to enter, come straight to my mind. Yes, its true, only the neutral gender belong to earth. Simple conclusion from this statement, the person who made such a foolish quotation was a darn son-of-a-gun.
Now, i being none less than him, make a similar statement, "Men are from jungles and women are from zoos." While one is an expert in beating around the bush (women), the other is equally skilled at licking around the bush(men).
To be very frank, this is probably the boldest statement i have ever made in my life. Well, of course, three or four girls who have pure hatred for me would disagree to this claim, but i still feel that this statement is one of the top five boldest statements ever made.
Boys, who usually call themselves guys, and refer to each other as "dudes" or "buddies" or other such gay-ish terms have an indefinite storage of attraction and testosterone for women. Women on the other hand, make it absolutely certain, that the lesser gender never gets to attain what they dream off. This calls for a complex problem that has a simple solution, "girls, take it easy, we are guys, have sympathy."
Just a couple of nights ago, me and my current girlfriend were discussing on how bright the moon was and how pure our love was. Actually by discussing, i mean, she was talking while i had slept after jacking off. The next morning, i realized what a funny business, this love thing is. I mean, its not a business for most of us, but the way we proceed about it feels funny. Why do we have to bring, moonlight, sunrays, roses, scents, candles, teddy bears, honey, honeybee, beehives and all such supposedly romantic things into our love. Why cant love be the way it is and let sun and moon rest in peace ?
Of course I wont ask this thing to my current girlfriend, 'coz as of now i am not prepared for another, "You are insincere." and "You don't understand me" kind of sentences. Maybe in a couple of days i will be prepared for a fresh dose. Then i might ask it. But the ultimate result will be the same as predicted.
I am a guy and i have simple needs. By simple needs, i am referring to, a girlfriend who keeps the mush out, a PlayStation, a free net connection, an unlimited array of food elements, and a book holding the answer key to all exams i would appearing in future. That's all a guy needs. That's all i need. But as they say, I am expecting too much from the world.
When my ever-darling fourth girlfriend asked me, 'how to keep a guy happy ?' I answered her in very appropriate and simple terms.
1) strip off once in a while. After the first few times i don't like what i see, but its just the intention that matters to me.
2) never question my sincerity. I am going to be sincere as long as you allow me to. The moment you start becoming a pain in the ass, i wont be sincere. And till you don't become anything like that, i will try my best to be a pain in your ass rather.
3) please keep the mush out of the window. There are a particular group of people who like all the mush to come and affect them. Most of them turn gay later. I have crossed that phase. I have successfully converted myself to straight from being gay with much difficulty. I don't want to take the chance again.
4) if i ever make a mistake, forgive me instantly. Yes, i can say you sorry, and i can feel really apologetic. But don't expect me to kiss your ass every time i do something stupid. I am a guy, and that gives me a right to be stupid. But if you want me to chase you home with all kinds of croaky words in a broken tone, referring to how sorry i am, then sorry ma'am, even i have petrol prices to think of.
5) i might be a dickhead, but sometimes you should treat me like "The guy". I accept that's hard and that it would be lying. But then again how many times have i lied on "how much i love you" for your sake.
6) if i am talking to another girl, don't freak out. Its just my way of keeping myself insured. I know that I am not that interesting to keep you interested in me much longer. You might dump me any moment. So, this other girl is just for future precaution. Its not a present flame.
7) sentences like, "say something" , "tell me about yourself" etc. should be banned. Apart from increasing the blood pressure and instigating the killer instincts in me, they do nothing else.
These are secret seven steps on how you can keep a guy happy. Well at least, these are what i said to her. No wonder she thanked me with a big,"Get lost" and numerous other abuses. And of course, i had to kiss her ass with numerous sorry's and 'forgive me' sentences, to which she dutifully replied, "I want to know the real you. But you are going away from me. "
The thing is, there are two kinds of guys. While in in the last blog they were dumb and dumber, in this article they are, the maniacs, and the thoughtless. While the earlier version are ready to cut down everything, starting from the lovely veins on the wrists to the pantyhose of their partner, the second segment of guys, are more armed in insensitivity, they will be fine till all is fine, they will still be fine if nothing is fine. In short they are the dickheads of a more steelier variety.
With due respect to all guys, i confess that we are usually not able to satisfy a girls emotional desires. And with fake orgasms and all, we might not be good even physically, but the thing is that we are guys. We are the action heroes not the strategy makers. Don't expect us to know everything without telling it. Don't expect us to do everything even if you tell it directly. In short don't expect anything at all.
Girls should think of guys as lousy good for nothing penile drivers, and if somehow magically a guy manages something better, you will feel elated.
That is the secret to a true relationship.
I am going to make this clear to my next girlfriend right from the beginning so that she has no doubts about my manliness.
Till then take care
Peace.
Monday, May 3, 2010
"Girls......Women.....Females.....i give up"
So here goes my next post....one that was long due....one that flows straight from the heart...that ejaculates straight from the shaft....excuse the metaphor..
So, now one day, there was God, the next day He got drunk, and in that state, He decided to create human. While He was intoxicated He created the female version. Then when He got his senses back, He created the male version to withstand the female version. Then like a total genius, He got himself covered with stones and colorful frames and stood at many different places, viz, temples, church, mosque, shops, wallets etc etc.
Females come in many categories and varieties, smart, intelligent, hot, beautiful, charming, sterile, crowy etc etc. But as far as the male version is concerned, we are limited to only two categories, dumb, and dumber. I happen to belong to the second group i.e, the dumber group. With a mindset that 'we are the best even if we are bald', with impotency problems at the most needed times, with nostrils wide enough for residential purposes and with a mind that is endlessly focused on girls, girls and some more girls, we are out rightly qualified to belong to the dumber version of males.
I am a proud eighteen year old teenage guy. Apart from mother and sister and a few other distant nameless relatives, I can boast of absolute no female interference in the first sixteen years of my life. But the past two years have been kinda dodgy. Plenty of girls, lack of senses, plenty of free time, lack of control, all these factors have led me to close proximity of various female personalities who have indeed left quite an indelible mark on my brain. Some might even call it tumor, some might presume it to be the after effects of a particular STD.
My first encounter with a girl was way back in 2002. I was at a camp for unknown reasons and foolishly got into a bet where i had to say "THE THREE HOLY WORDS OF HUMAN LOVE" to a girl. Always being a sporty guy i took the bet and successfully completed it. Of course the girl almost harassed me to a point of being moribund for the next couple of days, but nevertheless i won the bet. An entire sum of 150 bucks, which was mostly spent in buying an I-AM-SORRY card for that girl the next day. Four days later the camp got over, and i was gifted a letter from her hands on the final day. "I love you too but time is not right." Similar contents were held in the rest of the letter. Something that connected sun rays with my smile. I always thought my smile was more of a "milk bikis" kind of a thing. But as the time wasn't right, so wasn't the girl. Till date i don't know how did she even manage to know anything apart from my name and face, leave alone, love me. But lets face it, she was a girl. That's enough of an explanation. I realized that no matter how much i study, delve, jack off, think, no matter what, girls will be a tough code to crack.
Now its 2010, and i have had quite an amount of girls in my life to write something about. I have been in two "very serious" relationships, one of which is continuing now, four "lets try" relationships, one "casual" relationship and plenty other proposals made and heard. So it might be safe to presume that i am quite a battered and bruised person with an all time low confidence and with a lifetime warranty of no wits whatsoever. Such is my story.
My first casual girlfriend advised me to always be frank with my partner. As a result of it, i sincerely told my second girlfriend that i am with her only 'coz she looks good. Result -- bottles of tears, decibels of wailing, three sleepless nights (for her, i was dozing then) and a simple kick in my ass that threw me out of her life. The next girl told me that we should only be friends, I was being a very good friend, but then some other whacko gave me the idea that i was just being foolish and that it was just a girls way of giving me "signals". So i went up to her with a LETS-GO-TO-THE-NEXT-LEVEL proposal and immediately got stabbed in the heart for being a dickhead. That wasn't a signal or a detour, it was entire traffic blockage on her road for this life.
I never could find my way around girls. Everything feels so "bouncy". They themselves aren't logical but can make hell break apart if someone else isn't. God knows how many times has hell broken on me. Oh!! wait a second, God is hiding behind stones in places, so He wouldn't know really. My guess, a lot.
My first serious girlfriend, was all a guy could ask for, intelligent and hot hot hot. She even had a great name that was used in one of the Bollywood movies. As a bonus I also got a song of her name to make things easier. But as they say, guys will be guys and dumb will become dumber. Due to very mysterious reasons and morbid itch in the ass i realized that sooner or later she is gonna dump me. So why not let me do it this time. I did it and the result was the same. Bottles of tears, decibels of wailing's, three sleepless nights ( for me too ) , some off the book threats, a very bad headache and impotency. Result- i fucked up one decent thing i had. Worse, i was happy that i made a good judgment call.
My current girlfriend complains of the same age old complain, "you are not being sincere enough." Well, if sincerity means, losing sleep every night, showing concern over a broken nails, messaging constantly till fingers get withered, meeting out at all odd times in the most dangerous of places and then just sitting doing nothing, talking about how difficult it is for her to study when i am on her mind etc etc, then seriously i suck at being sincere.
I have my own ways of being an a-hole by the way.
1) I sleep on the phone while she is talking some serious stuff about a newspaper article.
2) I gladly use "Mom has my cell" excuse when she is about to burst open with funny complains about me.
3) I have put an alarm on my cell that reminds me to send her ""THE THREE HOLY WORDS OF HUMAN LOVE" at least five times daily. She found out about it.
4) I waste all my balance in downloading games while it was supposed to be saved for her.
5) I send messages meant for other girls, to her accidentally.
On a serious note, my faults aren't that lethal. They are just minor lapses. But well, somehow these are enough for a girl to go about with her funny sentences. Sentences that were all pre-determined to be used by a girl at some point of her life before even ice age existed. Most noteworthy of them are listed below :-
1) "You can open up with me. " Being a good guy, raised in a boys school for half my life, the words, "open up" hold an entire different meaning for me.
2) "I want to know the real you." Sounds very corny to me. I have no idea what a person has in mind when he/she says it. Worse, i have no idea what to say back to that.
3) "You are not the person i love." Wow, so now i am a hoodwink too. Come on dear, i never stole your eyes. And what is that even supposed to mean. Are you having an affair ?
4) "I want the old you back." Okay let me ask my mom if i can go back into her somehow and we will go through the entire process again.
Usually the dumb variety of guys tend to escape away from these situations. But i belong to the dumber variety. All i manage are a couple of sighs, some "oohs" and "aahs". If situation worsens, i say words resembling, "I see", "I will take care of it.", but if the female version is still persistent, i ultimately resort to the tried and tested excuse, "I am out of balance","I have to go to the toilet" or "Mom wants me to go out with her now."
Three more such excuses from me, and i may well be on my way of being single again.
Till then let me enjoy my blissful state of commitment and harassment.
"Love is of no use till a relationship is practical.
Once you are practical, loving gets difficult."
I said the same things to my third "lets try" girlfriend and i immediately got dumped with instant effect.
Till then, peace.
So, now one day, there was God, the next day He got drunk, and in that state, He decided to create human. While He was intoxicated He created the female version. Then when He got his senses back, He created the male version to withstand the female version. Then like a total genius, He got himself covered with stones and colorful frames and stood at many different places, viz, temples, church, mosque, shops, wallets etc etc.
Females come in many categories and varieties, smart, intelligent, hot, beautiful, charming, sterile, crowy etc etc. But as far as the male version is concerned, we are limited to only two categories, dumb, and dumber. I happen to belong to the second group i.e, the dumber group. With a mindset that 'we are the best even if we are bald', with impotency problems at the most needed times, with nostrils wide enough for residential purposes and with a mind that is endlessly focused on girls, girls and some more girls, we are out rightly qualified to belong to the dumber version of males.
I am a proud eighteen year old teenage guy. Apart from mother and sister and a few other distant nameless relatives, I can boast of absolute no female interference in the first sixteen years of my life. But the past two years have been kinda dodgy. Plenty of girls, lack of senses, plenty of free time, lack of control, all these factors have led me to close proximity of various female personalities who have indeed left quite an indelible mark on my brain. Some might even call it tumor, some might presume it to be the after effects of a particular STD.
My first encounter with a girl was way back in 2002. I was at a camp for unknown reasons and foolishly got into a bet where i had to say "THE THREE HOLY WORDS OF HUMAN LOVE" to a girl. Always being a sporty guy i took the bet and successfully completed it. Of course the girl almost harassed me to a point of being moribund for the next couple of days, but nevertheless i won the bet. An entire sum of 150 bucks, which was mostly spent in buying an I-AM-SORRY card for that girl the next day. Four days later the camp got over, and i was gifted a letter from her hands on the final day. "I love you too but time is not right." Similar contents were held in the rest of the letter. Something that connected sun rays with my smile. I always thought my smile was more of a "milk bikis" kind of a thing. But as the time wasn't right, so wasn't the girl. Till date i don't know how did she even manage to know anything apart from my name and face, leave alone, love me. But lets face it, she was a girl. That's enough of an explanation. I realized that no matter how much i study, delve, jack off, think, no matter what, girls will be a tough code to crack.
Now its 2010, and i have had quite an amount of girls in my life to write something about. I have been in two "very serious" relationships, one of which is continuing now, four "lets try" relationships, one "casual" relationship and plenty other proposals made and heard. So it might be safe to presume that i am quite a battered and bruised person with an all time low confidence and with a lifetime warranty of no wits whatsoever. Such is my story.
My first casual girlfriend advised me to always be frank with my partner. As a result of it, i sincerely told my second girlfriend that i am with her only 'coz she looks good. Result -- bottles of tears, decibels of wailing, three sleepless nights (for her, i was dozing then) and a simple kick in my ass that threw me out of her life. The next girl told me that we should only be friends, I was being a very good friend, but then some other whacko gave me the idea that i was just being foolish and that it was just a girls way of giving me "signals". So i went up to her with a LETS-GO-TO-THE-NEXT-LEVEL proposal and immediately got stabbed in the heart for being a dickhead. That wasn't a signal or a detour, it was entire traffic blockage on her road for this life.
I never could find my way around girls. Everything feels so "bouncy". They themselves aren't logical but can make hell break apart if someone else isn't. God knows how many times has hell broken on me. Oh!! wait a second, God is hiding behind stones in places, so He wouldn't know really. My guess, a lot.
My first serious girlfriend, was all a guy could ask for, intelligent and hot hot hot. She even had a great name that was used in one of the Bollywood movies. As a bonus I also got a song of her name to make things easier. But as they say, guys will be guys and dumb will become dumber. Due to very mysterious reasons and morbid itch in the ass i realized that sooner or later she is gonna dump me. So why not let me do it this time. I did it and the result was the same. Bottles of tears, decibels of wailing's, three sleepless nights ( for me too ) , some off the book threats, a very bad headache and impotency. Result- i fucked up one decent thing i had. Worse, i was happy that i made a good judgment call.
My current girlfriend complains of the same age old complain, "you are not being sincere enough." Well, if sincerity means, losing sleep every night, showing concern over a broken nails, messaging constantly till fingers get withered, meeting out at all odd times in the most dangerous of places and then just sitting doing nothing, talking about how difficult it is for her to study when i am on her mind etc etc, then seriously i suck at being sincere.
I have my own ways of being an a-hole by the way.
1) I sleep on the phone while she is talking some serious stuff about a newspaper article.
2) I gladly use "Mom has my cell" excuse when she is about to burst open with funny complains about me.
3) I have put an alarm on my cell that reminds me to send her ""THE THREE HOLY WORDS OF HUMAN LOVE" at least five times daily. She found out about it.
4) I waste all my balance in downloading games while it was supposed to be saved for her.
5) I send messages meant for other girls, to her accidentally.
On a serious note, my faults aren't that lethal. They are just minor lapses. But well, somehow these are enough for a girl to go about with her funny sentences. Sentences that were all pre-determined to be used by a girl at some point of her life before even ice age existed. Most noteworthy of them are listed below :-
1) "You can open up with me. " Being a good guy, raised in a boys school for half my life, the words, "open up" hold an entire different meaning for me.
2) "I want to know the real you." Sounds very corny to me. I have no idea what a person has in mind when he/she says it. Worse, i have no idea what to say back to that.
3) "You are not the person i love." Wow, so now i am a hoodwink too. Come on dear, i never stole your eyes. And what is that even supposed to mean. Are you having an affair ?
4) "I want the old you back." Okay let me ask my mom if i can go back into her somehow and we will go through the entire process again.
Usually the dumb variety of guys tend to escape away from these situations. But i belong to the dumber variety. All i manage are a couple of sighs, some "oohs" and "aahs". If situation worsens, i say words resembling, "I see", "I will take care of it.", but if the female version is still persistent, i ultimately resort to the tried and tested excuse, "I am out of balance","I have to go to the toilet" or "Mom wants me to go out with her now."
Three more such excuses from me, and i may well be on my way of being single again.
Till then let me enjoy my blissful state of commitment and harassment.
"Love is of no use till a relationship is practical.
Once you are practical, loving gets difficult."
I said the same things to my third "lets try" girlfriend and i immediately got dumped with instant effect.
Till then, peace.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Foriegn colleges vs IIT......my perspective
Okay so here i am sitting in front of the screen, thinking about my next post. I am probably the only guy in this entire country, who is exceptionally happy after IITJEE. And considering i attempted all the questions without the slightest idea of what they were asking about,and guessing most of my answers, it would be safe to assume that i have a wondrous cheerful personality. Some might even assume that i have no seriousness whatsoever, but i would still like to stick to the earlier version of my character.
Now being in an Indian society for most of my life, apart from the times when i find myself online surrounded by African cannibals and Indonesian tribes mostly, I should divulge this fact that getting into IIT is the dream of 90% of Indian students. The remaining 10% students are already in IIT and there dream is to get out of IIT in a single piece with a sane mentality. Numerous coaching classes, countless hours of ass-itching rigorous upright sitting on wooden benches, probably 12 packets of techno-tip or pinpoint, a major boost to the paper industry, freelance swearing and abusing HC VERMA, OP TANDON and ML KHANNA, getting orgasmic after having successfully tackled an IRODOV question, nearly wetting the pants after realizing chemistry broke up with you, etc. etc. etc. these are all part of the famed yet feared disciplined IIT preparations. Of course, the hot girls in the tuition classes, dreams of affairs in IIT, and the I-TAKE-A-BREAK-BY WATCHING-PORN are a part of it, but that is limited to a few exclusive and worn out war-time heroes of IIT preparations.
Now an immediate question that pops out, is it all worth it ?...does the Indian Institute of Technology actually fulfill all the hype that surrounds it ? What are its pros and cons against reputed foreign colleges ?
I am having mixed thoughts. So lets take a look at a few details and find out.
Reasons why you should read on :-
1) I applied for foreign universities, and got through three of them.
2) I nearly uprooted my masculine feature during erotic night outs with HC, OP and ML
3) I seriously had prepared for IIT for about 15 minutes.
First of all, lets go for a slight look at the rankings. Different websites offer different rankings. But having researched it for one full year of human life i came up to this conclusion. The ranking for engineering colleges on the world map would be as follows:-
1) MIT(the one and only)
2) Stanford
3) Berkley
4) Caltech
5) Georgia Tech
6) Cornell
7) Illinois Urbana Champaign
16) Princeton
20) Harvard
25) Purdue
27) IIT D
35) IIT M
100908097128740120912908712489) Other Indian Colleges with hoardings on roadside
Going by rankings, it can be clearly seen that those foreign universities would be a better option than IIT's
Secondly, lets go for placements and pay-cheques
1) Last year, there were certain guys in IIT who didn't get jobs. The Indian companies at this present state are having a bit of a downfall. they will undoubtedly bounce back, but at this present state things look a bit dizzy.
2) The foreign universities that i have mentioned in the list, the top ten at least, the students passing out of it are the highest paid freshers in this entire earth. For a starting salary they are a clear winner. One might argue that being based in a costlier society there pay-cheques are bound to be higher. But that's just baseless. In the end the truth is that they earn more. But of course there work load is also much much much more.
Thirdly, ease of entering.
1) IIT requires hard work. Foreign colleges require brilliance.
2) IIT requires two years of break neck study. Foreign colleges would require you to do that right from childhood.
3) IIT has 10,000 seats for 3.5 lac students that appeared this year. Foreign colleges hardly take more than 100 international students out of nearly 12000 international applicants. So competitiveness remains the same actually. Colleges like Caltech, select less that 50 international students out of more than 35000 applications. Now that is competition.
4) Apart from being highly apt at your studies, foreign universities require various other characteristics.
- Extracurricular achievements(debate, quiz, MUN's)
- if you are a sportsperson it helps your chances.
- any form of music, dance or art is appreciated.
- leadership and stuff
- a shining, spotless academic record from class 8-12
- high SAT and TOEFL scores
- research activities and projects.
Compared to it IIT requires
- disciplined hard work for two years.
- physics, chemistry, maths
- physics, chemistry, maths
- physics, chemistry, maths
- physics, chemistry, maths
- physics, chemistry, maths
- and the list goes on like that forever.
And the last point, financial status of family...
Now here IIT clearly wins over foreign colleges. The tuition fees are almost incomparable. The foreign colleges require you to fork out the savings of five generations of your family and three of your neighbor. In short, foreign colleges are shortly. So anyone who is applying for foreign colleges must have to get scholarships or student loans. Scholarships are available in limited quantity to highly deserving students. Though it wont cover all the expenses, it would pretty much cover up the tuition fees, food and hostel and living charges have to be borne by self. If one takes a student loan, then all the charges get covered up, but the student has to repay it back to the bank after he/she gets a job.
So if a student gets a scholarship, then it would be same as paying for IIT.
Or else, IIT comes out the clear winner in this department.
Then the final score comes to : Foreign colleges 3 IIT 1
But since I am an Indian I would even it out keeping in mind the Indian society at large.
So the score becomes : Foreign colleges 2 IIT 2
So now, the question pretty much arises, what must a student look for ? Based on my personal experience, I would recommend a student to pursue them both simultaneously. Maintain a good record from junior classes, lose your virginity with HC verma, get raped by ML khanna, make up with chemistry, get good scores is SAT and TOEFL, apply for foreign colleges, work for IIT, get into both, if you get scholarship get the hell out of India, if not make yourself comfortable at IIT. Luckily for me, I got the scholarship so I don't have to worry about IIT now.
IIT is arguably the best in India. And until the next millennium it will remain so. Of course I am discounting the fact that India will be consumed by civil war, or AIDS breaks out in IIT's with rampant unprotected sex among the student and teachers. But, the foreign colleges I mentioned above, they are the best in the world. And as far as education is concerned I believe in the best.
And for all you loser patriots, no one is asking you to get settled away from India. You can always study there and then come back to show off in India, would be highly good for the ego. Plus, if you cant resist the girls there, then its your fault. Place country above girls, place education above anything else, and soon you would be on your way to a celibate life of enormous success.
DrDrunkDonkey signing off.
Now being in an Indian society for most of my life, apart from the times when i find myself online surrounded by African cannibals and Indonesian tribes mostly, I should divulge this fact that getting into IIT is the dream of 90% of Indian students. The remaining 10% students are already in IIT and there dream is to get out of IIT in a single piece with a sane mentality. Numerous coaching classes, countless hours of ass-itching rigorous upright sitting on wooden benches, probably 12 packets of techno-tip or pinpoint, a major boost to the paper industry, freelance swearing and abusing HC VERMA, OP TANDON and ML KHANNA, getting orgasmic after having successfully tackled an IRODOV question, nearly wetting the pants after realizing chemistry broke up with you, etc. etc. etc. these are all part of the famed yet feared disciplined IIT preparations. Of course, the hot girls in the tuition classes, dreams of affairs in IIT, and the I-TAKE-A-BREAK-BY WATCHING-PORN are a part of it, but that is limited to a few exclusive and worn out war-time heroes of IIT preparations.
Now an immediate question that pops out, is it all worth it ?...does the Indian Institute of Technology actually fulfill all the hype that surrounds it ? What are its pros and cons against reputed foreign colleges ?
I am having mixed thoughts. So lets take a look at a few details and find out.
Reasons why you should read on :-
1) I applied for foreign universities, and got through three of them.
2) I nearly uprooted my masculine feature during erotic night outs with HC, OP and ML
3) I seriously had prepared for IIT for about 15 minutes.
First of all, lets go for a slight look at the rankings. Different websites offer different rankings. But having researched it for one full year of human life i came up to this conclusion. The ranking for engineering colleges on the world map would be as follows:-
1) MIT(the one and only)
2) Stanford
3) Berkley
4) Caltech
5) Georgia Tech
6) Cornell
7) Illinois Urbana Champaign
16) Princeton
20) Harvard
25) Purdue
27) IIT D
35) IIT M
100908097128740120912908712489) Other Indian Colleges with hoardings on roadside
Going by rankings, it can be clearly seen that those foreign universities would be a better option than IIT's
Secondly, lets go for placements and pay-cheques
1) Last year, there were certain guys in IIT who didn't get jobs. The Indian companies at this present state are having a bit of a downfall. they will undoubtedly bounce back, but at this present state things look a bit dizzy.
2) The foreign universities that i have mentioned in the list, the top ten at least, the students passing out of it are the highest paid freshers in this entire earth. For a starting salary they are a clear winner. One might argue that being based in a costlier society there pay-cheques are bound to be higher. But that's just baseless. In the end the truth is that they earn more. But of course there work load is also much much much more.
Thirdly, ease of entering.
1) IIT requires hard work. Foreign colleges require brilliance.
2) IIT requires two years of break neck study. Foreign colleges would require you to do that right from childhood.
3) IIT has 10,000 seats for 3.5 lac students that appeared this year. Foreign colleges hardly take more than 100 international students out of nearly 12000 international applicants. So competitiveness remains the same actually. Colleges like Caltech, select less that 50 international students out of more than 35000 applications. Now that is competition.
4) Apart from being highly apt at your studies, foreign universities require various other characteristics.
- Extracurricular achievements(debate, quiz, MUN's)
- if you are a sportsperson it helps your chances.
- any form of music, dance or art is appreciated.
- leadership and stuff
- a shining, spotless academic record from class 8-12
- high SAT and TOEFL scores
- research activities and projects.
Compared to it IIT requires
- disciplined hard work for two years.
- physics, chemistry, maths
- physics, chemistry, maths
- physics, chemistry, maths
- physics, chemistry, maths
- physics, chemistry, maths
- and the list goes on like that forever.
And the last point, financial status of family...
Now here IIT clearly wins over foreign colleges. The tuition fees are almost incomparable. The foreign colleges require you to fork out the savings of five generations of your family and three of your neighbor. In short, foreign colleges are shortly. So anyone who is applying for foreign colleges must have to get scholarships or student loans. Scholarships are available in limited quantity to highly deserving students. Though it wont cover all the expenses, it would pretty much cover up the tuition fees, food and hostel and living charges have to be borne by self. If one takes a student loan, then all the charges get covered up, but the student has to repay it back to the bank after he/she gets a job.
So if a student gets a scholarship, then it would be same as paying for IIT.
Or else, IIT comes out the clear winner in this department.
Then the final score comes to : Foreign colleges 3 IIT 1
But since I am an Indian I would even it out keeping in mind the Indian society at large.
So the score becomes : Foreign colleges 2 IIT 2
So now, the question pretty much arises, what must a student look for ? Based on my personal experience, I would recommend a student to pursue them both simultaneously. Maintain a good record from junior classes, lose your virginity with HC verma, get raped by ML khanna, make up with chemistry, get good scores is SAT and TOEFL, apply for foreign colleges, work for IIT, get into both, if you get scholarship get the hell out of India, if not make yourself comfortable at IIT. Luckily for me, I got the scholarship so I don't have to worry about IIT now.
IIT is arguably the best in India. And until the next millennium it will remain so. Of course I am discounting the fact that India will be consumed by civil war, or AIDS breaks out in IIT's with rampant unprotected sex among the student and teachers. But, the foreign colleges I mentioned above, they are the best in the world. And as far as education is concerned I believe in the best.
And for all you loser patriots, no one is asking you to get settled away from India. You can always study there and then come back to show off in India, would be highly good for the ego. Plus, if you cant resist the girls there, then its your fault. Place country above girls, place education above anything else, and soon you would be on your way to a celibate life of enormous success.
DrDrunkDonkey signing off.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
An ordinary day from my simple life.
An ordinary day from my simple life---by Dr.DrunkDonkey....(blacked out)
Even before i wake up today i must remind you that i slept very late last night. Or atleast that was what i wanted to believe. Not quite surprisingly, i was feeling very tired that morning, and that is usually what i feel when i am trying to wake up, actually mom is trying to wake me up while i am trying to sleep. The act of waking up after sleep is much more tiring than anything else. For some split seconds one even thinks, "What is the purpose of this life, when one cant even sleep for sufficient time ?" But just like any other young person's life, there is no room for such questions..
So i woke up, with a thousand abuses against God, sleep, pillow, parents, my-ex, the guy who gave me a donut the day before and my present girlfriend who didnt allow me to sleep early that night. Somehow or the other, they were all responsible for my reduced hours of enormous sleep. With that kind of a foul mind, i was sure the day would be disaster. I knew in advance that the day would be a disaster, there was history test at school, plans with my girlfriend for a secret kiss at school, plans with friends to beat the crap out of the ranker of the school and plans to help my mother to cook dinner for guests who were coming home that night. And i was mighty lousy for any of these tasks.
So i just knew that the day would be a disaster. But good for me, I had found the person to blame. God, sleep, pillow, parents, my-ex, the guy who gave me a donut the day before and my present girlfriend who didnt allow me to sleep early that night. These are always the usual entities whom i blame in such cases.
But time heals every wound and cold water snatches every bit of drowsiness. And with a bit of both i managed to resemble more like a human in my form. Suddenly feeling very cheerful after my transformation, i greeted the new day, feeling strong enough to fight out all the miseries it had in store for me.
But ,as every teen would agree with me, seldom does a teen's plan work.
And so the same thing happened with me.
I almost crapped my pants on seeing the question paper of history. Questions were asked about things i didnt know that they existed. Worse still, the other guys around me somehow were writing their answers. They knew everything. Immense fear captured me for the briefest instant. But being a strong a guy, and a pretty lame one that too, i decided to tackle the situation. i picked up my pen, and used my imagination. All answers were the most creative in approach. I was sure that if some great fictional writer ever read my answers i would be up for a treat. But as luck would have it, my history teacher wasnt such a person. He gave me an E. I was used to it. But what i wasnt used to was that he sent me to the Principal's office to report my poor grades.
The rest, as can be safely assumed, is not a thing to be written.
The last thing that a guy wants to see when he is humiliated is his girlfriend. But damned me, there walked my girlfriend right upto me and with that faithful dog type face asked the cheapest of questions, "Is my baby alright ?". Vengeance against human race was strongest in me. But women are a tough race to beat and there we were, on the school roof terrace, a secluded place, ready for our umpteenth kiss in school. The lips engrossed in their activities while my mind was thinking of excuses for the E grade. SHe pushed her weight on me and like a good guy i pressed myself against the wall. That was what i had thought until i heard the crash of broken glass falling on the school yard. I turned around and was gladly greeted with the sight of a broken window pane thanks to my body weight pressed again the lousy window frame which had given away repulsively from my posterior end.
Suicide was the only option left but fear to commit it was hindering my way. Without a doubt, I was back in the principal's office which seemed so familiar. The rest as i should say, is better left than written. Lets just call it, another black episode featuring me and my beloved school principal. Now i had to think of another excuse for the broken window, plus one for the E grade. Life is so hectic.
The rest of the day proceeded as usual. I slept through my classes. My girlfriend kept on sending me silly notes.
Sun descended below the horizon and so did our brains. Along with my friends i was supposed to harass the school ranker, the same guy who had given me a donut the day before. We dutifully followed the guy from his home. We skillfully had him kneeled before us. We wonderfully hurled abuses at him. But just when it struck showtime i had a change of heart. After all, he did give me a donut. So i told my friends to leave him alone and hit our homes. But boys of my age lack a thing people call senses. And so i ended up being in the enemy group.
The rest is better not written. Fourteen guys against two idiots=two idiots doomed to death. I was sure I was dead until me cell phone beeped with frantic mom asking me to come home as early as possible. Dead though I was, my moms threats instilled all the life to my legs. And i hurried back home, thinking of a excuse for my bruised face and torn shirt. So now I had three excuses to think of and time was running out.
I reached home to a locked door. Mom and Dad had gone out with the guests for dinner. I thanked God for this lucky escape. Devotedly i went to sleep, the excuses were postponed for a later time. A tiring day was finally coming to an end. Good gracious sleep was about to wrap me, when my cell phone beeped again.
"Aw baby would you like to talk for sometime ? I am feeling so lonely now "........And I was cursed for a life of such misery.
Even before i wake up today i must remind you that i slept very late last night. Or atleast that was what i wanted to believe. Not quite surprisingly, i was feeling very tired that morning, and that is usually what i feel when i am trying to wake up, actually mom is trying to wake me up while i am trying to sleep. The act of waking up after sleep is much more tiring than anything else. For some split seconds one even thinks, "What is the purpose of this life, when one cant even sleep for sufficient time ?" But just like any other young person's life, there is no room for such questions..
So i woke up, with a thousand abuses against God, sleep, pillow, parents, my-ex, the guy who gave me a donut the day before and my present girlfriend who didnt allow me to sleep early that night. Somehow or the other, they were all responsible for my reduced hours of enormous sleep. With that kind of a foul mind, i was sure the day would be disaster. I knew in advance that the day would be a disaster, there was history test at school, plans with my girlfriend for a secret kiss at school, plans with friends to beat the crap out of the ranker of the school and plans to help my mother to cook dinner for guests who were coming home that night. And i was mighty lousy for any of these tasks.
So i just knew that the day would be a disaster. But good for me, I had found the person to blame. God, sleep, pillow, parents, my-ex, the guy who gave me a donut the day before and my present girlfriend who didnt allow me to sleep early that night. These are always the usual entities whom i blame in such cases.
But time heals every wound and cold water snatches every bit of drowsiness. And with a bit of both i managed to resemble more like a human in my form. Suddenly feeling very cheerful after my transformation, i greeted the new day, feeling strong enough to fight out all the miseries it had in store for me.
But ,as every teen would agree with me, seldom does a teen's plan work.
And so the same thing happened with me.
I almost crapped my pants on seeing the question paper of history. Questions were asked about things i didnt know that they existed. Worse still, the other guys around me somehow were writing their answers. They knew everything. Immense fear captured me for the briefest instant. But being a strong a guy, and a pretty lame one that too, i decided to tackle the situation. i picked up my pen, and used my imagination. All answers were the most creative in approach. I was sure that if some great fictional writer ever read my answers i would be up for a treat. But as luck would have it, my history teacher wasnt such a person. He gave me an E. I was used to it. But what i wasnt used to was that he sent me to the Principal's office to report my poor grades.
The rest, as can be safely assumed, is not a thing to be written.
The last thing that a guy wants to see when he is humiliated is his girlfriend. But damned me, there walked my girlfriend right upto me and with that faithful dog type face asked the cheapest of questions, "Is my baby alright ?". Vengeance against human race was strongest in me. But women are a tough race to beat and there we were, on the school roof terrace, a secluded place, ready for our umpteenth kiss in school. The lips engrossed in their activities while my mind was thinking of excuses for the E grade. SHe pushed her weight on me and like a good guy i pressed myself against the wall. That was what i had thought until i heard the crash of broken glass falling on the school yard. I turned around and was gladly greeted with the sight of a broken window pane thanks to my body weight pressed again the lousy window frame which had given away repulsively from my posterior end.
Suicide was the only option left but fear to commit it was hindering my way. Without a doubt, I was back in the principal's office which seemed so familiar. The rest as i should say, is better left than written. Lets just call it, another black episode featuring me and my beloved school principal. Now i had to think of another excuse for the broken window, plus one for the E grade. Life is so hectic.
The rest of the day proceeded as usual. I slept through my classes. My girlfriend kept on sending me silly notes.
Sun descended below the horizon and so did our brains. Along with my friends i was supposed to harass the school ranker, the same guy who had given me a donut the day before. We dutifully followed the guy from his home. We skillfully had him kneeled before us. We wonderfully hurled abuses at him. But just when it struck showtime i had a change of heart. After all, he did give me a donut. So i told my friends to leave him alone and hit our homes. But boys of my age lack a thing people call senses. And so i ended up being in the enemy group.
The rest is better not written. Fourteen guys against two idiots=two idiots doomed to death. I was sure I was dead until me cell phone beeped with frantic mom asking me to come home as early as possible. Dead though I was, my moms threats instilled all the life to my legs. And i hurried back home, thinking of a excuse for my bruised face and torn shirt. So now I had three excuses to think of and time was running out.
I reached home to a locked door. Mom and Dad had gone out with the guests for dinner. I thanked God for this lucky escape. Devotedly i went to sleep, the excuses were postponed for a later time. A tiring day was finally coming to an end. Good gracious sleep was about to wrap me, when my cell phone beeped again.
"Aw baby would you like to talk for sometime ? I am feeling so lonely now "........And I was cursed for a life of such misery.
A letter from an innocent student to his father......
A letter from an innocent student to his father----by Dr. DrunkDonkey
Dear father,
I know you must be very deeply hurt. All your dreams about me must have just got shattered, not that they would have been fulfilled anyways.
The news that i have been indefinitely suspended from the school premises must have come as a shock to you. As a matter of fact, it came as a surprise for me too. And if it helps you in any way, then after a brief severe contemplation over the facts leading to my suspension, i quite clearly realize that the school authority was at fault, and that i had almost no role in this entire foul play. And if you don't quite believe me, then just read on.
When i asked the school principal for my reasons of suspension, he enumerated the following points:-
1) I was caught sleeping in the same class for a consecutive 12 days. Now father, if you must remember, those were the days when i used to party late in the night. So, it is quite obvious that i must have felt sleepy at school. Plus, it was history class. I never asked history to go and get boring. and all i was doing was just sleeping. There i was, just minding my own business, not disturbing anyone, but still I get punished as if i have done such a big mistake. I know by now you must be feeling sorry for me. But wait just read on.
2) I went and kissed my English ma'm and then got slapped by her. Before i proceed, you must note this fact that I am a teen with shooting hormones and she is a woman with unparalleled beauty. Right from childhood, you have been telling me to appreciate all objects of beauty. The great poet, John Keats once said,"A thing of beauty is a joy forever." And that was all i was doing, just appreciating the beauty. The fact that I won a bet of 45 cents is not worthy of mention, because that's not the reason why i kissed her. I kissed her because she was beautiful, and i was merely appreciating that. I was just following yours, and John Keat's words. Was that too wrong?.Is that worthy of suspension ?. Is following you fathers words a crime ?..I know you must be feeling how deviously I have been mistaken here. But don't worry Dad, this is what life is all about. Beauty, kisses, 45 cents and suspension. The system is so wrong and i am just the latest sufferer of it.
3) I scored a GPA of 1.2 out of 10. Now here you and me would both agree on a point that knowledge cannot be quantitative. It cannot be judged. And so these GPA's have no significance whatsoever. Plus the night before four of my papers, i had gotten high with my friends. I am at no fault here because I don't even know what drug i did. And so such a low GPA is a mistake of the drug and not me. I certainly know more than this. But the drug influenced me not to write my papers well, or as a matter of fact, at all. So now i hope that i have made myself clear as to why the GPA is low. And i hope you realize that your son is much more knowledgeable than that. Its just that the system is so wrong. They must schedule exams for I-go-high-before-exam-night students. That way everything would have been so impartial.
So Father, those were the only reasons why I got suspended. And as you can see, I was clearly not at fault. I have been wronged always. But you don't worry Dad, I am not depressed or anything. I know the worst thing that can happen is if i get depressed now. So i have been keeping myself quite high with a fresh lot of weed and other such stuff. In fact I am writing this letter with 4 needles stuck in me. So as you can see, your son is pretty brave and can come out of tight situations armed with needles and weed. As to my English Ma'm I made up with her by kissing her and then sleeping with her daughter. Her looks don't approve of that, but deep down both of us know, that it is the right thing. And as for my low GPA, i assure you that in my next semester after suspension i will make a huge leap to 1.8 atleast and that should silence all my critics.
So there you go, I hope I have lightened your heart by saying all those things. I know you love me even if i refuse to do the thing which you ask me to do when mom is away. But still I know you have a soft spot for me, or rather pink spot.
Well i guess I have to stop here now. The fourth naked girl to my right got a needle in the wrong place. So i guess i have to dig it out and put it inside the right areas....Thats all for now Dad, will keep you updated lately.
Enjoy your life.
Enjoy my mom,
Beware of my mom when enjoying with maid.
bye
Take Care
Your loving son.
Ps - i hope your herpes got better. If it did then please tell me how did you manage to get out of it. Coz I think I might have it too. My English ma'm's daughter pointed it out after I did her.
Dear father,
I know you must be very deeply hurt. All your dreams about me must have just got shattered, not that they would have been fulfilled anyways.
The news that i have been indefinitely suspended from the school premises must have come as a shock to you. As a matter of fact, it came as a surprise for me too. And if it helps you in any way, then after a brief severe contemplation over the facts leading to my suspension, i quite clearly realize that the school authority was at fault, and that i had almost no role in this entire foul play. And if you don't quite believe me, then just read on.
When i asked the school principal for my reasons of suspension, he enumerated the following points:-
1) I was caught sleeping in the same class for a consecutive 12 days. Now father, if you must remember, those were the days when i used to party late in the night. So, it is quite obvious that i must have felt sleepy at school. Plus, it was history class. I never asked history to go and get boring. and all i was doing was just sleeping. There i was, just minding my own business, not disturbing anyone, but still I get punished as if i have done such a big mistake. I know by now you must be feeling sorry for me. But wait just read on.
2) I went and kissed my English ma'm and then got slapped by her. Before i proceed, you must note this fact that I am a teen with shooting hormones and she is a woman with unparalleled beauty. Right from childhood, you have been telling me to appreciate all objects of beauty. The great poet, John Keats once said,"A thing of beauty is a joy forever." And that was all i was doing, just appreciating the beauty. The fact that I won a bet of 45 cents is not worthy of mention, because that's not the reason why i kissed her. I kissed her because she was beautiful, and i was merely appreciating that. I was just following yours, and John Keat's words. Was that too wrong?.Is that worthy of suspension ?. Is following you fathers words a crime ?..I know you must be feeling how deviously I have been mistaken here. But don't worry Dad, this is what life is all about. Beauty, kisses, 45 cents and suspension. The system is so wrong and i am just the latest sufferer of it.
3) I scored a GPA of 1.2 out of 10. Now here you and me would both agree on a point that knowledge cannot be quantitative. It cannot be judged. And so these GPA's have no significance whatsoever. Plus the night before four of my papers, i had gotten high with my friends. I am at no fault here because I don't even know what drug i did. And so such a low GPA is a mistake of the drug and not me. I certainly know more than this. But the drug influenced me not to write my papers well, or as a matter of fact, at all. So now i hope that i have made myself clear as to why the GPA is low. And i hope you realize that your son is much more knowledgeable than that. Its just that the system is so wrong. They must schedule exams for I-go-high-before-exam-night students. That way everything would have been so impartial.
So Father, those were the only reasons why I got suspended. And as you can see, I was clearly not at fault. I have been wronged always. But you don't worry Dad, I am not depressed or anything. I know the worst thing that can happen is if i get depressed now. So i have been keeping myself quite high with a fresh lot of weed and other such stuff. In fact I am writing this letter with 4 needles stuck in me. So as you can see, your son is pretty brave and can come out of tight situations armed with needles and weed. As to my English Ma'm I made up with her by kissing her and then sleeping with her daughter. Her looks don't approve of that, but deep down both of us know, that it is the right thing. And as for my low GPA, i assure you that in my next semester after suspension i will make a huge leap to 1.8 atleast and that should silence all my critics.
So there you go, I hope I have lightened your heart by saying all those things. I know you love me even if i refuse to do the thing which you ask me to do when mom is away. But still I know you have a soft spot for me, or rather pink spot.
Well i guess I have to stop here now. The fourth naked girl to my right got a needle in the wrong place. So i guess i have to dig it out and put it inside the right areas....Thats all for now Dad, will keep you updated lately.
Enjoy your life.
Enjoy my mom,
Beware of my mom when enjoying with maid.
bye
Take Care
Your loving son.
Ps - i hope your herpes got better. If it did then please tell me how did you manage to get out of it. Coz I think I might have it too. My English ma'm's daughter pointed it out after I did her.
Friday, January 15, 2010
A Funny Day--half told
The rickety stairs led me down to the bustling street where I waited along the side lanes till the traffic lights turned red so that I could cross the road to the parking lot on the other side. Turning around, I had a look at the staircase for some familiar figures to step down. Their loud voices over heated discussions on a rotational mechanics problem were clearly audible. The problem had been solved in three different ways. The argument was which solution was the easiest. I plugged the ear phones into my ears and plunged into the world of Eminem’s lyrics as I waited for the hectic traffic to stand still. There were forty eight more seconds for the green light to change to red. I walked leisurely along the side lanes swinging to the hip hop beats. Just then a hand touched me from the back that startled me. I turned around instantly and saw something that was equally startling.
Standing in front of me was an old woman dressed in brown and dirty rags with the most pitiable countenance. Her brown face was crisscrossed with numerous wrinkles, concentrated more around her eyes than her forehead, her thin small eyes, deep brown, seemed dramatically magnified due to the almost nonexistent under skin that was pressed against her cheek bones, dry lips that looked like food or water hadn’t touched it for many days and her forehead that had more worry lines than the stripes in a tiger, that stored numerous unhappy thoughts and memories in the undernourished mind within. “Give me some alms and the lord will bless you with success”, a hoarse voice cracked from the woman’s dry throat.
I took out my wallet and hastily searched for some coins. On any other day I would have donated a tworupee or five-rupees coin to her. But at that moment, call it fate or just co-incidence; I didn’t have a single coin in my wallet. The least I had was a twenty rupees note. And after taking out the wallet in front of her it would have been highly impolite to put it back without giving something. Hesitantly I took out the twenty rupees note and handed it over to the old woman, who had watery eyes for reasons I didn’t know then. All that concerned me was, Daisy had given me this note three days ago saying that I wouldn’t be able to do anything with it; it was going away from my wallet without me being able to do
anything with it. The other thing which concerned me was that from the one hundred and eighty rupees I had been saving for the past three months to buy a gift for Daisy on her eighteenth birthday had been reduced to seventy rupees; first the broken circuit, then the burnt book and now this. Three months of hard work savings spent in three hours of simple foolishness.
But then something else withheld my important concerns. The watery eyes of the old woman had somehow cut through my calculations of remaining balance and potential gifts that I could now buy. People crying in front of me suddenly made it to the top of my list of most uncomfortable situations. I wished to be at any place on the earth other than the one I was standing in. The moist eyes had given way to a stream of tears.
Shifting my weights from one leg to the other at a frantic pace, I somehow blurted out, “Umm, why are you crying? You just got twenty rupees, you should be happy about it I guess.” Considering my complete lack of knowledge about the reasons for such tears, I felt that it was the best I could manage in that situation.
The old woman wiped her tears with her dirty hands. She placed the note I had given, safely among the folds of her blouse. Then she looked up at me with a sublime smile. The dirty old woman had unexpectedly transformed to an aged experienced wise lady. Smiles are indeed fast ways for instant mutation.
“I have been on the streets for more than 25 years now, son. No one has ever given me this big an amount. And that too coming from a boy of your age, some bitter sweet memories of past just came back.”
“What memories?”
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