Like every young child dreams of being a pilot/race car driver/actor/wrestler/sports guy/anything that's flashy and bling bling.....i decided to be an author...like legit...all i wanted to do was write write write...until one day in my 5th standard i heard my English teacher shout, "That kid is so bad at writing he shouldn't be left alone in a room with pen and paper !!!"
Immediately after hearing such a statement....I could see my future....a ram shackled door in a desolate background opening up to an underground mansion. I am undoubtedly the most talented person..but i am undoubtedly a very hated person. I could hear people say "Vikram Patnaik's death was a good career move" but some people who were a bit moire kind, said ," Poor Vikram, went to Heaven no doubt, But God wont like him."....
It sapped up all my motivation. I had nightmares. I had night falls. I had night boners. It affected me so much. My childhood dream was getting wasted right in front of me and all i could do was jack off to my English teacher's image. It was heart wrenching. Though it felt good right before i ejaculated.
After the dream of author went by,came the dream of the sports guy...any sport would do me good for that matter. The motto was, "If a group of men do anything with balls on the field, some men and a group of irreligious women have to watch".. I couldnt go wrong here...except i had to choose which sport....
Soccer - If i played soccer in my Dads backyard, he would draw the curtains. So i decided, soccer players, like prostitutes, are in the business of ruining their bodies for the pleasure of strangers.
Jogging/running- Exactly how tough is that sport ? when you were two years old and you ran after a dog you pretty much had it mastered. But still, the first time i see a jogger smiling, i will consider it.
Golf-- I am easily the greatest golfer in the world, apart from that i have never played golf. When i played, i learnt that the golf ball travels the farthest when hit in the wrong direction. And then again, Golf is just an expensive way of playing marbles.
Tennis- If i were a tennis player, even the nun would have a better social life than me.
Cricket--I knew i could score more than my sperm count. But i still took up bowling. And every time i bowled i had the batsman in two minds, whether to hit me for a 4 or a 6.
Wrestling- My opponent would be covered in blood every time, my blood.
Gymnastics- I decided against it, while watching the Olympics at 3 30 am and seeing expressionless European girls jumping over some furniture.
Skiing/Cycling/MotorSports - I am not interested in any sports that has an ambulance waiting at every corner.
After serious thoughts about my future in sports, i ultimately decided to be a referee. Its the simplest of all jobs. Whenever in doubt, always give the decision in the favor of the side that makes more noise. And whenever someone questions your decisions, you cam always give them the two rules, Rule 1 : the referee is always right ...and Rule 2 : In Case the referee is grossly wrong, then refer to Rule 1.
Its as simple as that.
Career decided.
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