(EVERYTHING HAS BEEN WRITTEN WITH A VERY SERIOUS INTENT)
So...as someone great said...men are from Mars and women are from Venus....now being an idiot, it makes me think, which life form the earthly people then ? People who harass others in local trains, or who get confused on which toilet to enter, come straight to my mind. Yes, its true, only the neutral gender belong to earth. Simple conclusion from this statement, the person who made such a foolish quotation was a darn son-of-a-gun.
Now, i being none less than him, make a similar statement, "Men are from jungles and women are from zoos." While one is an expert in beating around the bush (women), the other is equally skilled at licking around the bush(men).
To be very frank, this is probably the boldest statement i have ever made in my life. Well, of course, three or four girls who have pure hatred for me would disagree to this claim, but i still feel that this statement is one of the top five boldest statements ever made.
Boys, who usually call themselves guys, and refer to each other as "dudes" or "buddies" or other such gay-ish terms have an indefinite storage of attraction and testosterone for women. Women on the other hand, make it absolutely certain, that the lesser gender never gets to attain what they dream off. This calls for a complex problem that has a simple solution, "girls, take it easy, we are guys, have sympathy."
Just a couple of nights ago, me and my current girlfriend were discussing on how bright the moon was and how pure our love was. Actually by discussing, i mean, she was talking while i had slept after jacking off. The next morning, i realized what a funny business, this love thing is. I mean, its not a business for most of us, but the way we proceed about it feels funny. Why do we have to bring, moonlight, sunrays, roses, scents, candles, teddy bears, honey, honeybee, beehives and all such supposedly romantic things into our love. Why cant love be the way it is and let sun and moon rest in peace ?
Of course I wont ask this thing to my current girlfriend, 'coz as of now i am not prepared for another, "You are insincere." and "You don't understand me" kind of sentences. Maybe in a couple of days i will be prepared for a fresh dose. Then i might ask it. But the ultimate result will be the same as predicted.
I am a guy and i have simple needs. By simple needs, i am referring to, a girlfriend who keeps the mush out, a PlayStation, a free net connection, an unlimited array of food elements, and a book holding the answer key to all exams i would appearing in future. That's all a guy needs. That's all i need. But as they say, I am expecting too much from the world.
When my ever-darling fourth girlfriend asked me, 'how to keep a guy happy ?' I answered her in very appropriate and simple terms.
1) strip off once in a while. After the first few times i don't like what i see, but its just the intention that matters to me.
2) never question my sincerity. I am going to be sincere as long as you allow me to. The moment you start becoming a pain in the ass, i wont be sincere. And till you don't become anything like that, i will try my best to be a pain in your ass rather.
3) please keep the mush out of the window. There are a particular group of people who like all the mush to come and affect them. Most of them turn gay later. I have crossed that phase. I have successfully converted myself to straight from being gay with much difficulty. I don't want to take the chance again.
4) if i ever make a mistake, forgive me instantly. Yes, i can say you sorry, and i can feel really apologetic. But don't expect me to kiss your ass every time i do something stupid. I am a guy, and that gives me a right to be stupid. But if you want me to chase you home with all kinds of croaky words in a broken tone, referring to how sorry i am, then sorry ma'am, even i have petrol prices to think of.
5) i might be a dickhead, but sometimes you should treat me like "The guy". I accept that's hard and that it would be lying. But then again how many times have i lied on "how much i love you" for your sake.
6) if i am talking to another girl, don't freak out. Its just my way of keeping myself insured. I know that I am not that interesting to keep you interested in me much longer. You might dump me any moment. So, this other girl is just for future precaution. Its not a present flame.
7) sentences like, "say something" , "tell me about yourself" etc. should be banned. Apart from increasing the blood pressure and instigating the killer instincts in me, they do nothing else.
These are secret seven steps on how you can keep a guy happy. Well at least, these are what i said to her. No wonder she thanked me with a big,"Get lost" and numerous other abuses. And of course, i had to kiss her ass with numerous sorry's and 'forgive me' sentences, to which she dutifully replied, "I want to know the real you. But you are going away from me. "
The thing is, there are two kinds of guys. While in in the last blog they were dumb and dumber, in this article they are, the maniacs, and the thoughtless. While the earlier version are ready to cut down everything, starting from the lovely veins on the wrists to the pantyhose of their partner, the second segment of guys, are more armed in insensitivity, they will be fine till all is fine, they will still be fine if nothing is fine. In short they are the dickheads of a more steelier variety.
With due respect to all guys, i confess that we are usually not able to satisfy a girls emotional desires. And with fake orgasms and all, we might not be good even physically, but the thing is that we are guys. We are the action heroes not the strategy makers. Don't expect us to know everything without telling it. Don't expect us to do everything even if you tell it directly. In short don't expect anything at all.
Girls should think of guys as lousy good for nothing penile drivers, and if somehow magically a guy manages something better, you will feel elated.
That is the secret to a true relationship.
I am going to make this clear to my next girlfriend right from the beginning so that she has no doubts about my manliness.
Till then take care
Peace.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
"Girls......Women.....Females.....i give up"
So here goes my next post....one that was long due....one that flows straight from the heart...that ejaculates straight from the shaft....excuse the metaphor..
So, now one day, there was God, the next day He got drunk, and in that state, He decided to create human. While He was intoxicated He created the female version. Then when He got his senses back, He created the male version to withstand the female version. Then like a total genius, He got himself covered with stones and colorful frames and stood at many different places, viz, temples, church, mosque, shops, wallets etc etc.
Females come in many categories and varieties, smart, intelligent, hot, beautiful, charming, sterile, crowy etc etc. But as far as the male version is concerned, we are limited to only two categories, dumb, and dumber. I happen to belong to the second group i.e, the dumber group. With a mindset that 'we are the best even if we are bald', with impotency problems at the most needed times, with nostrils wide enough for residential purposes and with a mind that is endlessly focused on girls, girls and some more girls, we are out rightly qualified to belong to the dumber version of males.
I am a proud eighteen year old teenage guy. Apart from mother and sister and a few other distant nameless relatives, I can boast of absolute no female interference in the first sixteen years of my life. But the past two years have been kinda dodgy. Plenty of girls, lack of senses, plenty of free time, lack of control, all these factors have led me to close proximity of various female personalities who have indeed left quite an indelible mark on my brain. Some might even call it tumor, some might presume it to be the after effects of a particular STD.
My first encounter with a girl was way back in 2002. I was at a camp for unknown reasons and foolishly got into a bet where i had to say "THE THREE HOLY WORDS OF HUMAN LOVE" to a girl. Always being a sporty guy i took the bet and successfully completed it. Of course the girl almost harassed me to a point of being moribund for the next couple of days, but nevertheless i won the bet. An entire sum of 150 bucks, which was mostly spent in buying an I-AM-SORRY card for that girl the next day. Four days later the camp got over, and i was gifted a letter from her hands on the final day. "I love you too but time is not right." Similar contents were held in the rest of the letter. Something that connected sun rays with my smile. I always thought my smile was more of a "milk bikis" kind of a thing. But as the time wasn't right, so wasn't the girl. Till date i don't know how did she even manage to know anything apart from my name and face, leave alone, love me. But lets face it, she was a girl. That's enough of an explanation. I realized that no matter how much i study, delve, jack off, think, no matter what, girls will be a tough code to crack.
Now its 2010, and i have had quite an amount of girls in my life to write something about. I have been in two "very serious" relationships, one of which is continuing now, four "lets try" relationships, one "casual" relationship and plenty other proposals made and heard. So it might be safe to presume that i am quite a battered and bruised person with an all time low confidence and with a lifetime warranty of no wits whatsoever. Such is my story.
My first casual girlfriend advised me to always be frank with my partner. As a result of it, i sincerely told my second girlfriend that i am with her only 'coz she looks good. Result -- bottles of tears, decibels of wailing, three sleepless nights (for her, i was dozing then) and a simple kick in my ass that threw me out of her life. The next girl told me that we should only be friends, I was being a very good friend, but then some other whacko gave me the idea that i was just being foolish and that it was just a girls way of giving me "signals". So i went up to her with a LETS-GO-TO-THE-NEXT-LEVEL proposal and immediately got stabbed in the heart for being a dickhead. That wasn't a signal or a detour, it was entire traffic blockage on her road for this life.
I never could find my way around girls. Everything feels so "bouncy". They themselves aren't logical but can make hell break apart if someone else isn't. God knows how many times has hell broken on me. Oh!! wait a second, God is hiding behind stones in places, so He wouldn't know really. My guess, a lot.
My first serious girlfriend, was all a guy could ask for, intelligent and hot hot hot. She even had a great name that was used in one of the Bollywood movies. As a bonus I also got a song of her name to make things easier. But as they say, guys will be guys and dumb will become dumber. Due to very mysterious reasons and morbid itch in the ass i realized that sooner or later she is gonna dump me. So why not let me do it this time. I did it and the result was the same. Bottles of tears, decibels of wailing's, three sleepless nights ( for me too ) , some off the book threats, a very bad headache and impotency. Result- i fucked up one decent thing i had. Worse, i was happy that i made a good judgment call.
My current girlfriend complains of the same age old complain, "you are not being sincere enough." Well, if sincerity means, losing sleep every night, showing concern over a broken nails, messaging constantly till fingers get withered, meeting out at all odd times in the most dangerous of places and then just sitting doing nothing, talking about how difficult it is for her to study when i am on her mind etc etc, then seriously i suck at being sincere.
I have my own ways of being an a-hole by the way.
1) I sleep on the phone while she is talking some serious stuff about a newspaper article.
2) I gladly use "Mom has my cell" excuse when she is about to burst open with funny complains about me.
3) I have put an alarm on my cell that reminds me to send her ""THE THREE HOLY WORDS OF HUMAN LOVE" at least five times daily. She found out about it.
4) I waste all my balance in downloading games while it was supposed to be saved for her.
5) I send messages meant for other girls, to her accidentally.
On a serious note, my faults aren't that lethal. They are just minor lapses. But well, somehow these are enough for a girl to go about with her funny sentences. Sentences that were all pre-determined to be used by a girl at some point of her life before even ice age existed. Most noteworthy of them are listed below :-
1) "You can open up with me. " Being a good guy, raised in a boys school for half my life, the words, "open up" hold an entire different meaning for me.
2) "I want to know the real you." Sounds very corny to me. I have no idea what a person has in mind when he/she says it. Worse, i have no idea what to say back to that.
3) "You are not the person i love." Wow, so now i am a hoodwink too. Come on dear, i never stole your eyes. And what is that even supposed to mean. Are you having an affair ?
4) "I want the old you back." Okay let me ask my mom if i can go back into her somehow and we will go through the entire process again.
Usually the dumb variety of guys tend to escape away from these situations. But i belong to the dumber variety. All i manage are a couple of sighs, some "oohs" and "aahs". If situation worsens, i say words resembling, "I see", "I will take care of it.", but if the female version is still persistent, i ultimately resort to the tried and tested excuse, "I am out of balance","I have to go to the toilet" or "Mom wants me to go out with her now."
Three more such excuses from me, and i may well be on my way of being single again.
Till then let me enjoy my blissful state of commitment and harassment.
"Love is of no use till a relationship is practical.
Once you are practical, loving gets difficult."
I said the same things to my third "lets try" girlfriend and i immediately got dumped with instant effect.
Till then, peace.
So, now one day, there was God, the next day He got drunk, and in that state, He decided to create human. While He was intoxicated He created the female version. Then when He got his senses back, He created the male version to withstand the female version. Then like a total genius, He got himself covered with stones and colorful frames and stood at many different places, viz, temples, church, mosque, shops, wallets etc etc.
Females come in many categories and varieties, smart, intelligent, hot, beautiful, charming, sterile, crowy etc etc. But as far as the male version is concerned, we are limited to only two categories, dumb, and dumber. I happen to belong to the second group i.e, the dumber group. With a mindset that 'we are the best even if we are bald', with impotency problems at the most needed times, with nostrils wide enough for residential purposes and with a mind that is endlessly focused on girls, girls and some more girls, we are out rightly qualified to belong to the dumber version of males.
I am a proud eighteen year old teenage guy. Apart from mother and sister and a few other distant nameless relatives, I can boast of absolute no female interference in the first sixteen years of my life. But the past two years have been kinda dodgy. Plenty of girls, lack of senses, plenty of free time, lack of control, all these factors have led me to close proximity of various female personalities who have indeed left quite an indelible mark on my brain. Some might even call it tumor, some might presume it to be the after effects of a particular STD.
My first encounter with a girl was way back in 2002. I was at a camp for unknown reasons and foolishly got into a bet where i had to say "THE THREE HOLY WORDS OF HUMAN LOVE" to a girl. Always being a sporty guy i took the bet and successfully completed it. Of course the girl almost harassed me to a point of being moribund for the next couple of days, but nevertheless i won the bet. An entire sum of 150 bucks, which was mostly spent in buying an I-AM-SORRY card for that girl the next day. Four days later the camp got over, and i was gifted a letter from her hands on the final day. "I love you too but time is not right." Similar contents were held in the rest of the letter. Something that connected sun rays with my smile. I always thought my smile was more of a "milk bikis" kind of a thing. But as the time wasn't right, so wasn't the girl. Till date i don't know how did she even manage to know anything apart from my name and face, leave alone, love me. But lets face it, she was a girl. That's enough of an explanation. I realized that no matter how much i study, delve, jack off, think, no matter what, girls will be a tough code to crack.
Now its 2010, and i have had quite an amount of girls in my life to write something about. I have been in two "very serious" relationships, one of which is continuing now, four "lets try" relationships, one "casual" relationship and plenty other proposals made and heard. So it might be safe to presume that i am quite a battered and bruised person with an all time low confidence and with a lifetime warranty of no wits whatsoever. Such is my story.
My first casual girlfriend advised me to always be frank with my partner. As a result of it, i sincerely told my second girlfriend that i am with her only 'coz she looks good. Result -- bottles of tears, decibels of wailing, three sleepless nights (for her, i was dozing then) and a simple kick in my ass that threw me out of her life. The next girl told me that we should only be friends, I was being a very good friend, but then some other whacko gave me the idea that i was just being foolish and that it was just a girls way of giving me "signals". So i went up to her with a LETS-GO-TO-THE-NEXT-LEVEL proposal and immediately got stabbed in the heart for being a dickhead. That wasn't a signal or a detour, it was entire traffic blockage on her road for this life.
I never could find my way around girls. Everything feels so "bouncy". They themselves aren't logical but can make hell break apart if someone else isn't. God knows how many times has hell broken on me. Oh!! wait a second, God is hiding behind stones in places, so He wouldn't know really. My guess, a lot.
My first serious girlfriend, was all a guy could ask for, intelligent and hot hot hot. She even had a great name that was used in one of the Bollywood movies. As a bonus I also got a song of her name to make things easier. But as they say, guys will be guys and dumb will become dumber. Due to very mysterious reasons and morbid itch in the ass i realized that sooner or later she is gonna dump me. So why not let me do it this time. I did it and the result was the same. Bottles of tears, decibels of wailing's, three sleepless nights ( for me too ) , some off the book threats, a very bad headache and impotency. Result- i fucked up one decent thing i had. Worse, i was happy that i made a good judgment call.
My current girlfriend complains of the same age old complain, "you are not being sincere enough." Well, if sincerity means, losing sleep every night, showing concern over a broken nails, messaging constantly till fingers get withered, meeting out at all odd times in the most dangerous of places and then just sitting doing nothing, talking about how difficult it is for her to study when i am on her mind etc etc, then seriously i suck at being sincere.
I have my own ways of being an a-hole by the way.
1) I sleep on the phone while she is talking some serious stuff about a newspaper article.
2) I gladly use "Mom has my cell" excuse when she is about to burst open with funny complains about me.
3) I have put an alarm on my cell that reminds me to send her ""THE THREE HOLY WORDS OF HUMAN LOVE" at least five times daily. She found out about it.
4) I waste all my balance in downloading games while it was supposed to be saved for her.
5) I send messages meant for other girls, to her accidentally.
On a serious note, my faults aren't that lethal. They are just minor lapses. But well, somehow these are enough for a girl to go about with her funny sentences. Sentences that were all pre-determined to be used by a girl at some point of her life before even ice age existed. Most noteworthy of them are listed below :-
1) "You can open up with me. " Being a good guy, raised in a boys school for half my life, the words, "open up" hold an entire different meaning for me.
2) "I want to know the real you." Sounds very corny to me. I have no idea what a person has in mind when he/she says it. Worse, i have no idea what to say back to that.
3) "You are not the person i love." Wow, so now i am a hoodwink too. Come on dear, i never stole your eyes. And what is that even supposed to mean. Are you having an affair ?
4) "I want the old you back." Okay let me ask my mom if i can go back into her somehow and we will go through the entire process again.
Usually the dumb variety of guys tend to escape away from these situations. But i belong to the dumber variety. All i manage are a couple of sighs, some "oohs" and "aahs". If situation worsens, i say words resembling, "I see", "I will take care of it.", but if the female version is still persistent, i ultimately resort to the tried and tested excuse, "I am out of balance","I have to go to the toilet" or "Mom wants me to go out with her now."
Three more such excuses from me, and i may well be on my way of being single again.
Till then let me enjoy my blissful state of commitment and harassment.
"Love is of no use till a relationship is practical.
Once you are practical, loving gets difficult."
I said the same things to my third "lets try" girlfriend and i immediately got dumped with instant effect.
Till then, peace.
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